I’ve lost count of the number of times some tragedy has occurred – a mass shooting, a terrorist attack, a drunk driving death – and the victims or their relatives, usually Christians, start “forgiving” the offenders within hours or days of the crime.

I understand the motive, and also the desire to present an attractive witness about Christian forgiveness to the world. But it’s not a faithful witness to God. It does not reflect how God forgives, which is to be our pattern and model. Here’s why:

God does not forgive those who do not want forgiveness.

Here’s how God forgives:

1. God is willing, ready, and eager to forgive everyone.

2. God offers forgiveness to everyone. God offers to release those who have offended Him from their deserved punishment and alienation from Him. There’s a big difference between offering it and giving it. Offering it is unconditional; giving it is conditional.

3. God does not forgive everyone regardless of their response to His offer: Although He offers forgiveness to all, not all respond. Some don’t even think they’ve done anything needing forgiveness.

4. God’s forgiveness is conditional upon repentance: (Luke 13:3; 17:3; Acts 2:38): God’s forgiveness is conditional upon the offender wanting forgiveness and wanting to turn from His offending ways.

5. Forgiveness through repentance produces reconciliation on both sides: Offering forgiveness reduces the temperature of the conflict; but only the giving of forgiveness, in response to repentance, ends it.

6. Forgiveness does not mean the elimination of all consequences. God may still discipline us for His glory and our education and holiness. God will associate pain with disobedience in order to help us avoid it in future.

Our forgiveness is to be patterned upon God’s forgiveness (Eph. 4:32; Matt. 6:12, 14-15).

1. We must be willing, ready, and eager to forgive everyone: This is not easy and usually requires Gospel work to be done in our own hearts as we realize how much God has forgiven us.

2. We must offer forgiveness to everyone: This step and the previous step together are a kind of lesser forgiveness, sometimes called positional forgiveness. We are in a position where we are ready to forgive and we offer it freely. If this is what people are talking about when they say, “I forgive the person who raped and murdered my daughter,” then that’s fine. It’s more than fine; it’s amazing grace and can only be given by God. However, it’s not forgiveness in the fullest biblical sense and must not be confused with it.

3. We must not forgive everyone regardless of their response to our offer: Forgiving someone before they repent is un-godlike, avoids dealing with serious issues. While it might offer some temporary and superficial relief, it does not produce long-term satisfaction to the conscience nor reconciliation.

4. We must forgive upon the condition of repentance: According to Matthew 18:15-17, if a person sins we must reprove them. If they do not respond with repentance, we must take it to another level. If they repent at any stage, we must forgive them, even if it’s the 490th time they’ve done it (Matt. 18:22)

5. Forgiveness through repentance produces reconciliation on both sides: Full forgiveness, sometimes called transactional forgiveness, is when all five steps occur, resulting in deep and lasting reconciliation. This is the kind of forgiveness that most glorifies God, most benefits the offender, and most satisfies the offended.

6. Forgiveness does not mean the elimination of all consequences: There may even be legal and financial consequences.

Both of these kinds of forgiveness, lesser and full, positional and transactional are patterned after God’s forgiveness and required by the prayer, “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.”

Real men offer forgiveness to all but only give it to the repentant.


1. What can you do to make yourself a more forgiving person, someone more willing to offer forgiveness to those who have sinned against you?

2. If someone has sinned against you, and has not asked for your forgiveness, how should you pray for them? What should you say to them?

3. Read Luke 23:34. What was Jesus doing here? Actually forgiving? Offering forgiveness? Praying for forgiveness for his enemies? See Acts 2:37-28.

Further Reading

Unpacking Forgiveness by Chris Brauns

Defining Forgiveness

What Is Forgiveness?

Christians Should be Forgiving People by R.C. Sproul

Is Conditional Forgiveness Biblical?